Lucy Grey: Gendernaut

Dulcinea and I went to Target yesterday, ostensibly to pick up some nice dress clothes for my new job. But, in addition to the nice slacks and button-down shirts, I came back with a few…alternative clothes.

Usually, I go to the store with a mission. Go in, get what I need, get out. Quick, simple, easy. I’d get kind of frustrated with Dulcinea when I shopped with her, while in this mentality. We’d split up and inevitably, I’d have acquired everything I needed and would be ready to leave, and she’d still be browsing the women’s section, and then take forever in the dressing rooms, and then go back and browse again. In that mindset, I just wanted to get the stuff and go.

Not this time around, though. This was my first clothes-shopping-trip since accepting my crossdressing tendencies and androgyny. Today, it wasn’t just a Grab-and-Go mission—it was…well, I don’t know what it was. It was a shopping experience completely unlike any I’ve ever had. 

On our way to Target, I worried that I’d chicken out. I mean, I completely intended to get my work clothes, but I also had a list of other items. It was a sort of internal test, I guess. I didn’t want to get there and then refuse to follow through. 

Luckily, my fears and anxiety evaporated when we entered the store. I think being aware of my androgyny really helped. I went in there with a much more open attitude, and allowed myself to explore. For the first time, I actually looked at the garments in the women’s department. I looked as if I would be the one wearing them. And I felt no shame or awkwardness. We still felt like we had to be a little discrete, especially in the Women’s Intimates areas, but that’s okay. We had a lot of fun looking at garments and accessories, yakking on about how cute this is or that is, like a couple of women, well, out shopping. It was, by far, the most positive experience I’ve had with clothes shopping.

In the end, I walked out of Target with $35 worth of feminine clothing, along with my work clothes. I got a couple pairs of leggings, some cheap pantyhose, a pair of panties, and a nice green flannel cowgirl-style shirt. The shirt was a sort of spur-of-the-moment purchase for me and it’s great! It’s a little tight in the shoulders, but the rest of it fits so much better than its male counterparts fit me. I wore it to a restaurant with Dulcinea and some friends. I was worried they’d notice that the shirt’s buttons were on the wrong side and ask awkward questions, but they complimented me on how cute I looked! It was really affirming and satisfying.

Dulcinea and I played with the other items when we got home, playing dress up and taking some pictures. I can’t post all of them now, because they’re all on her phone, and Dulcinea’s at work right now. But when she gets back, I’ll be sure to let you see the results of our outing yesterday! Here’s a teaser.