Conceived

Over the course of our relationship, Dulcinea and I have discussed our fantasies and dreams. She wants to open up her own rustic home-style restaurant some day. I want to open a craft brewery, or be a teacher, or write novels for a living. She likes the idea of being punished during sex. I like the idea of being her toy. Of being her pleasure, of being fucked by her. But ever since I’ve learned about the birds and the bees, I’ve been curious about what it felt like to be a girl. Especially during sex. Living in a very conservative household and being the oldest, it was difficult to further explore and indulge my curiosity. It had to be kept secret.

That didn’t stop me from exploring in the shower, though, slowly sliding one finger inside my anus. I wondered how different it would feel to have a vagina instead of a penis, whether my finger in my butt was anything like a penis in a vagina. Afterwards, drying off, I realized what I’d done. Needless to say, growing up in a conservative family, I was horrified with myself, and swore never to do such things again.

But there were other areas of my curiosity that I could explore. It wasn’t just about what sex as a female would feel like. It was looks, too. And, growing up with a twin sister made it somewhat convenient to investigate those options. I remember, one day when I was home alone, going into the fresh laundry pile and finding my twin sister’s bra. I stood in front of my mirror and tried it on, my heart thumping a cadence of pulses through my veins. I had no breasts, but I had some handy rolls of socks to deal with that. By itself, the bra-and-sock get up was goofy looking, but after I’d put one of my sister’s blouses on, I looked…passable. Restless electric butterflies flickered and fluttered in my stomach. I could feel the blood pumping into other parts of me, making them pulse. Painfully aware of my fleeting time, I changed back just before Mom came home. I promised myself I’d never be so foolhardy again. Every once in a while, though, when I got the urge, I’d sneak into my sister’s room and try on her things. And every time, I got a raging hard-on.

created